TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
