it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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