Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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