yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
