this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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