Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
