but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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