My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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