vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
