Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
