New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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