Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
