Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
