Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
