if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
