My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
