I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
