I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
