So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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