So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
