it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
These tits shall not be calmed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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