She is in my trunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
