its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
