if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told grandpa to call you daddy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
