Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
