I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
