Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
