"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
