I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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