and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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