Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
