they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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