I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
