Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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