sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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