I'm really into asian looking animals
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
