we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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