I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
