Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
