I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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