Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
