You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
