Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
