I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
