can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
