I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
