He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
