I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
