Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
