my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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