nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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