..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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