respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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