Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
