I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
